Wednesday, February 13, 2008


posted by Majestic Ape at 1:20 AM

I am going to simplify this and will re-write it later as a story.

Today was departure day. Erick, Breck, and I left DC by noon and went first to my parents' home so I could pick up an outfit piece that hed been accidentally shipped there. I called ahead to prepare them for a very quick (in and out) visit. Sensitive parents tend to develop hurt feelings when children run out the door without a high drama goodbye. My forethought failed. I ran in the house, grabbed the package, hugged my brother, and headed for the front door. My Mother shrieks, "I HAVE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!"

I reply, "Mom, I have to go."

She starts screaming. I am not exaggerating.

I say, "What Mom?"

She hands me the phone numbers of solicitors who have been calling me.

I leave.

There is a whole lot of madness in that house. But this story is not about my family. Someday I will write about the childhood. Its not your average "White trash Jews coming up in North Potomac, MD story."

Anyway, we go to Jeff's. I clean the van while they load. We're off. Upon leaving Jeff's courth, I almost pull out in front of an oncoming car. They scream at me. Then I notice that our steering is freakishly wrong. The van is pulling hard to the right. When I try to compensate, we weave back and forth across the road. I am instantly alarmed because I know they won't listen to me when I tell them that we can't go on the highway like this.

We fill the tires with air. No more steering troubles.

But, within minutes, the ice starts raining down on our little trip. Jeff relays a warning from his frien Neal,of Burlington, VT.

"Look out for the black ice." Great. I will.

Jeff starts hissing "black ice" at me as the ice accumulates on our windshield. I can't see anything. The fan in the van isn't working so the defrosters don't activate. When we hit 95 North, I turn on the windshield wipers. They just scrape over the ice. Eventually, the friction melts the ice blinders in one spot and I can see through a little hole directly in front of me, maybe about 4 inches of glass in diameter.

There is slight clearing until we hit Northern Maryland. By the time we hit the Jersey Turnpike, there is ice falling steadily and I can't see the road at all, either in front, to the side, or behind me. We pull off to a rest stop and try to clean the windshield. It doesn't help because our wiper blades are not making contact with the windshield. We stop again at exit 11. We purchase a nasty chemical de-icer and some new wiper blades. I have pictures and video of Jeff and Erick trying to clean the wipers over and over again.

We are only 65 miles away from Purchase. We head in that direction because I honestly don't know where else to go. The turnpike is covered with snow. It seems that there are no plows. There are sand trucks but no snow clearing.

I basically drive between 25 mph and 40 mph for the next 3 hours and we arrive at Purchase at 9:30pm. I have been driving straight for 7 1/2 hours through pretty harsh conditions. We jump on stage and play.

We meet Sole and his posse (hip hop guy from AZ, we are doing a few shows with them). I am not too articulate right now. We are staying in the 'new' apartments on campus and we have effectively bug-bombed the whole place. There were several kids hanging out here when we arrived. They were all gone within 15 minutes. They were immune to Apes charm. Erick acted as the Apes representative fun guy and went off with our host, Daniel, to drink with the young people.

I went to SUNY Purchase for one year, 1991 to 1992. After that year, I ran off to France alone, and ended up transferring to U of MD. It was there that I moved in with Jeff and we started the hard core band known as "Nightmare Assault." Good memories.

Everyone loves a clown, unless they are chasing you with a steak knife.


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