Sunday, October 29, 2006

Saturday Oct 28

posted by Majestic Ape at 1:58 AM

Since I had an extra special day at home, I thought I would relax a little, do some laundry, play outside, and basically do things you can’t do on the road. I started the day by doing massive edits on all of the postings from the tour so far. There were tons of grammatical errors and many poorly written sentences. I had written them quickly and didn’t re-read a single one. When I started re-reading, I was pretty embarrassed. They were a mess. I’m a teacher for the love of god! But I am one of those teachers that you remember as having a good time with, not one that you learn a heck of a lot from.

Anyway, I wrote for the majority of the morning. Then I got a haircut. This was the first haircut in 6 months. My hair was plenty disgusting because a ton had fallen out over the summer. I had lots of long layers that I never styled, so I basically looked like a trashy hick girl named, “Randy”, or something like that. All the stylists at the salon were wearing Halloween costumes. The men were all in drag. I don’t remember the ladies too specifically but every one of them was a slutty- something. Slutty cat, slutty Goldilocks, you get the idea. Sluts.

Before I had gotten the haircut, I had gone into an Ann Taylor store. I don’t know why I did it. I guess I was curious what normals were wearing this year. Yeesh! The clothes were pretty awful. Lots of ruffles. Only clowns should look like clowns. I tried on some sweater that had an open neck that went down to mid-stomach. I decided to ask for help. I opened the dressing room door and asked “Chenille”,
“Excuse me, I’m slightly retarded with clothes. What kind of shirt does when wear underneath garments such as these?”
She tried to not look too disturbed. “A camisole. Would you like me to bring you one to try on?” I said yes and she knocked on the dressing room door a few minutes later. She brought 3—two blacks, and a purple. I like the camisole a heck of a lot better than the ugly sweater. I bought the stupid camisole for $24.00. I have no idea why. It was soft. That’s why.

I went home, messed up my bedroom, and went to visit my friend, Kelly. We have been friends for about 13 years. She is married and lives in the neighborhood with her husband and two children. It was really nice to go see her and be in a house that looks like a home. She was cooking a real dinner and the kids were playing and I felt really weird for a few minutes. I won’t have this kind of life because I have the band, the van, the records, and the road. Some people make it work somehow but I’m not having much luck. Well, I’m not really trying to make that lifestyle either. When I come home from practice at 8:30 at night, after teaching all day, going to band practice, going to tutor, I’m wrecked. I can barely make a decent dinner for myself. Then I read some internet bullshit, or go for late night walks, or draw. It’s just a weird life.

Anyway, back to the day. Erick called while I was at Kelly’s. You would think that since we have two days off, we would chose to not see each other. He wanted me to go to Best Buy, because Jayme is buying a video camera. She is going to make a movie of us while we make the record next week.

We went to Best Buy, bought a camera, and went across the street to eat at Whole Foods. Some lady rammed Jayme with her cart when she came out of the bathroom so Jayme and Erick followed her and threw a used sani-wipe in her cart. Then we went and looked at all the Kombucha drinks. Kombucha is a tea made from fermented mushrooms (I think) and we have been kind of hooked on the stuff for a few weeks. The kind we buy has living strands of bacteria (probiotics!) floating around it. Every time Erick picks one out, he just shreaks excitedly at the size of his bacteria boogers. The other slightly odd detail about Kombucha is that because its fermented, it has a 0.5% alcohol content. I have a surgically altered digestive tract. When I consume it, I get buzzed. People that have intact digestive systems would not experience this reaction, but for me, it’s not much different from having a beer. Usually I drink the kombucha during the day, so I walk around doing normal things a little cross-eyed.

After we eat, we head over to the art opening at Transformer Gallery. Jayme was a co-founder of this really unique non-profit art gallery. We hung out there socializing for a while. Some old man started hitting on me and while he was trying to make a conversation, he was leaning against the wall, directly on the penciled artwork. He was totally clueless about what he was doing.

He asked me, “Are you a G.W. student?”

I said, “No, I’m old.”

He said, “Do you know the artist?”

I said, “No, I know the gallery owners.”

He said, “I’m learning to paint. I am photographer and now I’m learning to paint. I painted all afternoon. Soon, I will be selling my work.”

I said, “Oh.”

I saw several good friends, including Breck, Casey, Iona, Jen A., and Brent B. We were going to go back to Casey’s house but Erick literally started tantruming because he was hungry and he wanted free fancy food. He won. We went to a very fancy art party. The party was honoring a local woman who was leaving her gallery business to spend more time with her children. I was able to valet park my car for free! When we went to the front desk, the concierge found Erick and Jayme’s names on the guest list.

The lady asked, “Who is she”, and pointed to me.

They said, “She’s the driver, Its okay.”

The lady nodded and up we went. They weren’t lying.

The apartment where the party being held is absolutely beautiful. The man who owns it is an art collector and also has rare first edition books. Tonight, I held the first edition of Lolita, by Nabakov. I was told its worth $200,000.00. Luckily my nose wasn’t running.

Jayme was dressed appropriately for the event but Erick and I looked like shit. He was wearing his disgusting shredded camo sweat shirt and I had on pre-adolescent jeans with this stupid metal spike sticking out of the pocket. I had scored these from the lost and found at the middle school where I teach. I was also wearing this giant puffy artic parker and old green sneakers. I think the rich people just assume you are an artist if you look scummy. The party was catered and after we got food, Erick and I just sat on the floor. I couldn’t really hear most of the conversations because the ringing in my ears was deafening. The people-watching was supreme though. I couldn’t stop staring at this woman wearing tiger pants. She had the thickest layer of makeup I have seen in a long time. I named her cake face. During the speeches, she kept talking out loud at inappropriate times.

That party was wrapping up by 11:00 so we headed next to a more typical Halloween with people in costumes, drinking heavily. The drive over was actually more entertaining than the party itself. DC was hopping with normals in costumes. We saw Guns N Roses, slutty Dorothy, and a few chickens. Once we got to party number 2, we did not stay long. People were doing all sorts of things that we weren’t doing so it was a touch boring. Also, it blows my mind, how many dummies wear politically-oriented costumes because we are in DC. I saw a white house, a few proposed senate bills. There were probably a few congressmen that I didn’t recognize.

There was ONE more party back in our neighborhood to investigate. However, when we arrived, the house was quiet. Maybe it was a bad tip, or it ended very early. The highlight of that little trip was finding two bags of free clothes on someone’s stoop. Most were pretty bad but I scored a few things. Not surprisingly, I got another camisole. Every time I actually buy something, I find a free one of the same item, about 12 hours later.

No laundry. No exercise. No outside. No cooking. We may as well have been on tour. Eating out, drinking, and parties. I mostly just got drunk on Kombucha.

Erick reminded me of something funny from yesterday. When we were driving through all of the traffic in Delaware, Jeff looked at Breck and said, ”This traffic sucks therefore you suck.” Breck is from Delaware. The delivery was totally dead pan.

So now it’s almost 2 am and I am hoping that I will fall asleep and stay asleep. I usually don’t.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When saying how terrible an entire style is, try to keep in mind you may be offending your audience. A fan who supports you doesn't need to feel bad about themselves. I'll be sure not to wear my Ann Taylor shirt to your show that I paid to get into.

1:34 PM  
Blogger Amanda Ape said...

Sorry! I'm certain if I could afford nice clothes, I wouldn't have made a negative comment.

-Amanda

1:21 PM  

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