Saturday, October 28, 2006

No Canada

posted by Majestic Ape at 1:27 AM

The last place I thought I would be on this rainy Friday night, is back in my bedroom in DC.

This morning at 8:00 am, Erick got a call from The Slits tour manager. They wanted to reschedule the Canadian shows. I had a feeling this might be coming, based on some comments made last night.

We were already awake. It is a 7 hour drive to the Buffalo border and then a few more hours to London, Ontario, so we needed to leave early. But now Erick was on the phone. He tried to convince several people to do the shows anyway. About 45 minutes later, he reported that The Slits were definitely going to reschedule. We could either try to go to NYC early and start recording, or just go home.

We called The Brothers Golanglobus. We are supposed to record with them next week during CMJ. Neither one answered their phone. We went to a diner in the village of Red Hook, after taking our host, Pilar, to work. For a lengthy period of time, we waited, hoping that the brothers would call us back. Another discussion point was the very little income we would actually bring home from this tour. This is not something new. Despite the money, its still kind of a honor to do these shows. This band, who is a real part of punk history, hasn't played together in 30 years. One of them dated a guy from the Clash. The drummer is the daughter of the drummer from The Sex Pistols. They are the real deal.

Aside from all that, around 11:30am, we drive to The Slits’ hotel to return their gear. They were extremely apologetic and we stood around the parking lot for a long time just shooting the shit. You always hope when you tour with another band, that you become something of a traveling family, and I could feel a little bit of that foundation developing while we were standing in this odd circle in the Quality Inn parking lot in Kingston, NY, on a beautiful fall day. They were headed back to NYC and it looked like we were going back to DC. According to Jeff's computer, our mega-brain, travel time to Gaithersburg, MD was about 5 hours, 32 minutes. Okay, so maybe a weekend home would be a good thing.

I started driving. First Erick had to pee. Stop number 1. On the New Jersey turnpike, there was a massive delay around exit 7, where the two sides of the turnpike, merge. That took a good 30 to 45 minutes. Next stop, more urine release and gas re-fill. The boys eat lunch and snacks. Apparently the three of them went to the bathroom together and Jeff used the “gripper machine”. This machine tests a man's grip strength, and I'm sure its a real indicator of his entire masculinity and breeding potential. Jeff learns he is champion gripper. Breck didn’t want to put his hands on anything that men were gripping immediately after toileting. I knew Breck was smart. I think we were there at least 30 minutes. Breck took over driving and by the time we hit Delaware, it was pouring rain. Traffic came to a halt and we sat, creeping along, for at least an hour.

Somewhere around Baltimore, we needed music. This journey was taking a ridiculous amount of time for the mileage we were covering. Breck started fooling with the radio, and magically, sound came out! We listened to some classic hip hop tunes and they totally raised our spirits. Then we listened to the craziest country song I have ever heard.

The singer said something like, “I am not a political man, but I know faith, hope, and love. Love is the most important of all. Where were you when the world turned around on Sept 11? Did you feel guilt because you survived? I might not know the difference between Iran and Iraq but I love my country.” Wow. I am not exaggerating. We were blown away. This is what Americans listen to. This is why the Apes will never, ever be a money-making phenomenon.

TBreck found a Christian radio show. There were actors portraying a family who lost a father. The mother’s new man was trying to get close to the son, too quickly. The son felt very uncomfotable and was turning to old videos of his real daddy's birthday parties, for comfort. His mom was confused. So-- they were going to go to the Odyssey, and the real solution was to pray about it. It was the weirdest program I have heard in a long time.

We arrived back at Jeff’s at 8:30 pm. Erick and I drove back to Mt. Pleasant and by the time I walked in, it was 9:30 pm. While we were driving back, Erick and I discussed how pleased we were with the two shows we’d already had and that this little break was just meant to be. We could eat some healthy foods and relax a little before our hell week, next week. Recording a record and playing shows every night didn’t seem like the best plan to me, but hey, we’ll figure it out.

So now, its 10:30 pm, and there is a party in my neighborhood. I’m totally wrecked but I imagine if I don’t go, and sit here alone in my giant empty group house, on a Friday night, I’ll feel worse. We should be playing right now.

I forgot to mention that Jeff was reading Conan, The Barbarian comics on his computer yesterday for a significant period of time. Sexy.

Several hours later- I went to the party. I'm home now. I just ate some food and took a sleeping pill. Its starting to kick in I'm losing focus as I write. I am going to try to publish all 3 diaries tonight. Slipping. This pill makes you really dizzy. Not cool. I'm a real asshole.

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