Thursday, October 26, 2006

Bard babies

posted by Majestic Ape at 11:02 PM

Bard, Baby:

So the rest of our time in Philadelphia looked like this.

We left Clark’s house and went to a coffee shop located next to a thrift store. This was the perfect opportunity for me to purchase some pajamas, as I’d forgotten to bring any. Breck and I hunted around and we each found a few decent things for not so much money. I bought some velvet striped pants that I will never wear.

We headed over to his sister’s house as she was going to take us to a music store. I had to get a new amp, new instrument cables, and maybe a new volume pedal, too. At least everything blew up before we hit Canada.

The first music store was a total bust. They had a few shitty practice amps. The woman behind the counter offered to call her husband to find out what else they might have in the basement. Erick walked out.

The next store was worse. They had no decent amps in our price range at all. The guy offered me some shitty practice amp for $200.00. Pass.

We left town and headed for the Jersey Turnpike. On the way, we stopped at gas station. Gas was only $1.99 a gallon! So exciting! Jesus. I saw a porta-john and Erick and I hopped out to pee. Erick went in first. There was a man of middle-eastern decent standing next to the outhouse, smoking a cigarette. He looked very relaxed.

“Are you two Amish?” he asked me.

“No, we are in a rock band,” I responded.

Wow. I have never gotten that one. Erick was wearing a camo-hooded sweatshirt. I was wearing a purple corduroy jacket. Can’t quite figure out the visual Amish connection. Maybe because we have the same dumb shaggy hair?

I started driving. The ride up the turnpike and into New York State was uneventful.

When we got off the highway, Erick started asking his usual dumb questions.

“Are we in the Poke Her Anus Mountains?” he asked me.

“No, dummy, the Pocono Mountains are in Pennsylvania. We are in the Catskills,” I informed him.

“Oh, comedy,” he connected. Then in some weird old man voice, he says, “Hey Buddy! Take my wife!” Err.

Change to present tense:

While I am driving, I fantasize that I am a passenger so I can pee in a cup. God I have to pee again. I hardly drank any fluids today.

We arrive at Bard shortly after. Colleges are awesome. We theorize that we could live at a college for free. We could just walk around, go to classes, steal food from all the cafeterias and dorms, and hook up with enough people to find places to sleep.

The space for the show is HUGE. Erick and I set up all of our equipment so we can try out the newest set-up. I am using a borrowed amp. It’s my dream amp, actually.

It is time to eat and we are playing in 90 minutes. Not enough time to digest, but we can get anything we want from the cafeteria. There is nothing I can eat. Surprise. I eat some turkey breast and mustard and try some of a bagel. I have 3 hard boiled eggs left in the van. I’ll eat those later.

The first two bands play. One I have seen before and a member is the tour manager for the Slits. They are pretty awesome. ShelShag.

Apes play next. The room is pretty packed. It’s the best college show space we have played in. I’m pretty psyched. I’m totally digging my costume now and after we line check, I put on my ski masks, set the vocal effect pedal, and start talking. I talk about ghosts and I deliver some very important messages that have been received. The crowd is totally into it and I feel it. Set time. We kill it. It’s awesome. I love my band again. Even Erick and I are getting along. I run back to the dressing room. Ari Up is sitting there with Holly, another Slit, and the show promoter. Ari is totally into my outfit and wants to take a bunch of pictures together. And now, its 11:30 pm, and Slits are playing and I’m wondering how 4 of us are going to cram onto the floor of some dorm room already occupied by two people. I’m feeling positive. There is a bathroom nearby and lots of clean water to drink.

I did not have to stand in urine today. Life is good.


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