Friday, June 17, 2005

day 1, bowling green

posted by Majestic Ape at 7:01 PM

We drive out to Gaithersburg in the morning, load the van, and get Paul from the metro. I drive 'till we get to Ohio. I make an effort to speed as much as possible. I have received a few comments recently about my slower driving speeds and I have to correct this false notion.

Paul takes over at 5:30. I make phone calls. And I text message. My new favorite form of communication is the text message. No voices. No computers. No waits. It's seamless and perfect.

We arrive at the little Tiki Bar in Bowling Green about 8:30 and wait for local promoter and music master of Toldeo and its surrounding suburbs, Broc.

He arrives shortly after with his sidekick, Fernando. We head for Myles' Pizzeria. I want to cry. I hate restaurants. I only want hippy food. Everyone is chatting and having fun. I am deciding how to avoid corn syrup. I fail. Later after dinner as my stomach painfully swells, I wander the rainy streets of Bowling Green alone. There are lots of large vampires walking around with handcuffs attached to their black clothes. Must be Goth night somewhere. Sure enough, as I round the next corner, I spy the line of darkly clad youth sporting eye liner. I want to go in but I can’t. I’m wearing red.

The show is opened by Picciuto. He plays guitar to an iPod. He announces that his website is full of porn. I draw his portrait. Then he announces his record is about to come out. More than half of the songs are about cats. He is my new favorite artist.

Broc is very generous with drinks. I watch Paul consume several whiskeys. He gives Erick Red Bulls. Gives me water.

The Apes play. The bar is packed with drunk locals. An awesome girl named Sara is hooting and hollering about how the music called her in from the street. Lots of scary dudes with crew cuts are whooping, too. At one point, Paul yells at the crowd for talking while we play. Uh-oh. Confrontation probably doesn’t go over too well with this bunch.

We do an encore and I rush off to sell merch. Mostly I’m swarmed by very nice guys who I chat with quite a bit. One of the guys from Canada's Electric Tiger Machine gives me a new white thong with their logo printed on it. At some point, one dude rushes up to me and informs me that our vocalist is in the rear parking lots with 3 police officers undergoing sobriety tests. I know that Paul is very very intoxicated. Tour’s over. First night. I go out to watch.

They shine lights in his eyes. I hope and pray that he is polite and obedient. He is. He does some toe to heel walking. I politely explain to one officer that we have just played 40 minutes of high energy rock music and any potential lack of coordination might be due to brain damage from shaking his head. I know this is how I feel at the moment. He tells me that the officers are very capable of making a determination, based on observable behaviors, whether or not an individual is intoxicated. I ask about breathalyzers, potential sentences, bail, loss of licensure. I figure we will be in Ohio much longer than we ever anticipated.

Paul walks over to me. He’s passed. Hallelujah. Apparently he was pulling the van into the parking lot and was pulled over because our license plate light was out. Jeez Louise.

I decide that we will crash with a young fellow named David. He has a house, couches, and says we can even have our own rooms. Sold!

The local drunks are fighting with each other. Lots of threats. I think Jeff gets threatened.
I change out of my costume in the van while the guys finish loading out. I try on the thong. Yuck! Feels bizarre! We load, pack, drive over to David’s. Sleep doesn’t come easy for me anywhere and tonight is no exception. I wander. Lots.

In the morning, I look through every drawer and cupboard trying to find coffee. I fail. I get mad. They are a tea house. Tea is good, too.

The rest of the day I’m peeing blood. Later that night, I remember I had beet borscht for lunch. I found that hippy café.

On the way out of Bowling Green, some long haired dude in a car next to us is honking and waving his hands. I remember that I've left my quick dry towel on the ladder in the back. We turn around and find it in a corn field.

Next stop- Lansing, MI


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was an unbelievable show. That was the most fun I've had at a show in over a year. You were amazing.

- Picciuto

10:06 PM  

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